Desperate Zone::: by Funke Egbemode

Every woman’s desperate zone:::: by Funke Egbemode.....Pls take
time and read..Quite educating and interesting!!!

When a woman thinks her biological clock is ticking, she is
vulnerable. When she begins to set wedding dates between one
birthday and the next, she is easy prey. When all she has achieved
and is achieving pale into insignificance beside her desire to ‘settle
down’, that is when she becomes a plaything in the hands of men.

She is finally in that place called the desperate zone. Here, she can no
longer see a simple friendship for what it is.

She reads meaning into everything her boyfriend says even when
the guy can’t remember what he said or when he said it. Every man
who winks or smiles at her is a prospective husband. She attends
every singles meeting in her church and every church, believing Mr
Right is hidden in next week’s singles summit or at worst at the end
of the year ‘love feast for singles’. She watches out for such themes
as ‘ I must marry this year’ on church posters. She is obsessed,
totally desperate. She is at that point where she feels incomplete,
and that is putting it mildly. Most women actually at this point feel
like failures.

They feel all the witches and wizards in their villages are behind the
problem. The evil ones have covered their faces with evil veil or
caged their prospective husbands. That could be true and it may be
far off the mark. I have learnt not to tell a desperate 37 or 40 year old
woman searching for a husband that I know how she feels. It just
does not work. What further compounds the troubles of the 40-year-
old desperate sister is the army of marauding opportunist males
who know what she wants, dangle it in front of her nose, do what
they wanna do and move on, leaving her bitter and more desperate.

It’s awful and men like that need instant justice, if you ask me. But
since you didn’t, let’s move on.

So, a man meets a woman in her late 30s, beautiful, stylish, great
job, independent and single. Her guard down, she let it slip that she
is looking forward to becoming a wife and mum now that her career
is at a cruising altitude. He smacks his lips and sinks his teeth into
her. He knows he will not marry her or even allow his seeds get
anywhere near her womb but he still strings her along, probably
waste another one year she can ill afford. When he has had his fill,
he discards her like used tissue paper and moves on. Another one
comes along and goes as far as introducing her to his family, and
then zooms of just when she thinks they have something going. She
tries a younger man, lets him use her cars which he also deploys to
taking his sweet 16s to the movies. He worships her . She keeps the
juice flowing and when he’s done sucking the juice out of her
orange, he throws her away.

Isn’t that what you do when you are done with an orange? Truth is,
a single-and-desperately-searching- senior- babe goes through so
much. Her self esteem is left battered. The men walking through her
life leave her damaged. And for as long as she is determined to
settle-down-by-fire-or-by-force, she’s putty, easy prey and
vulnerable. The predators will continue to mill around her and milk
her. Yes, getting married is good. Marriage itself is a good thing
once you get the bone of your bones but if you are unlucky to end
up with someone else’s bone stuck in your throat, you will gasp all
the way to your grave or into a wheel chair.

There is nothing wrong in wanting a man by your side, in your bed,
one you can call your own with a license to prove it and a Certificate
of Occupancy for good measure but if you buy the wrong property,
you cannot occupy it or you do so at the risk of broken life or limbs
or both. And that is why every mature babe should avoid that
desperate zone. It is in every woman’s path. Some get married
before they get there, others must pass through it. So if you must,
make sure you happen to the desperate zone, don’t let it happen to
you.

In other words, take charge because at the end of the day, it is your
life. When you take a wrong turn in the road, always remember that
you are in the driver’s seat. You can stop and mope and you can
choose to turn and make a fresh start. Do not allow men to turn you
into a ping pong ball, a pawn on their chess board, a topic over their
evening beer. Okay, I admit that it is easier said than done,
especially when menopause is staring you in the face. But never
ever forget that the same process that gets you pregnant is the
same one that gets you HIV. Ah, you didn’t think of that? There you
have it.

Don’t get so desperate as to get sucked in into having unprotected
sex with every man who comes your way just because you want to
beat your biological clock. You may be signing your death warrant.

Resist the temptation to think each man that comes along is the one
you’d been waiting for. You may even decide to make do with the
chicken since you couldn’t find the pigeon but never lose sight of the
fact that it is your choice, your life. A little slip can have you
careering into disaster.

Tell yourself constantly that this is just a phase and if you have made
it this far, even this phase will pass. Beyond this cloud is a silver
lining. Do not let these men take advantage of you. You actually
should turn the table and use them, if you get my drift. Now, if you
wake up one morning vomiting and hating your favourite perfume
( I still can’t stand the one I wore on my wedding day till today), you
should just waltz through that desperate zone. Don’t spend a minute
longer. If the man responsible for your thickening waist decides to
disgrace his father by denying responsibility, just shake your head
and sing; It shall be permanent What the Lord has done for me It
shall be permanent.

Don’t lose any sleep. Concentrate on your pregnancy and start
shopping like crazy. Buy the best kaftans and sexiest flowing tops.

He is a coward who didn’t learn anything his mother taught him. We
all should be ashamed of him because one day, like a prodigal son,
he’ll return with his stupid tail in between his legs to ask for his son
or come claim his daughter or twins when they become stars. So
thank God who did not let you labour in vain. Carry your pregnancy
with pride and let him worry about his cowardice
. That child is essentially yours, a sign that God still answers prayers.

And you know God does not share His glory with anybody. Now, that
you can no longer be called unfruitful vine, why should your blood
pressure not be normal? The worst thing you can do when a coward
impregnates you is not appreciating God’s favour, by fixating on the
shivering bloke. Your baby will be born with all his features, bald
head, sexy eyes, dimples and that little dark birth mark on his
shoulder will be right where the whole world can see it on your
baby. Trust me. Such babies always arrive with their DNA
certificates....Good morning people and do hv a fruitful week ahead....Xoxo

BEGINNING

This is the moment of embarking.
All auspicious signs are in place.

In the beginning, all things are hopeful. We prepare ourselves to start anew. Though we may be intent on the magnificent journey ahead, all things are contained in this first moment : our optimism, our faith, our resolution, our innocence.In order to start, we must make a decision. This decision is a commitment to daily self-cultivation. We must make a strong connection to our inner selves. Outside matters are superfluous. Alone and naked, we negotiate all of life's travails. Therefore, we alone must make something of ourselves, transforming ourselves into the instruments for experiencing the deepest spiritual essence of life.
Once we make our decision, all things will come to us. Auspicious signs are not a superstition, but a confirmation. They are a response. It is said that if one chooses to pray to a rock with enough devotion, even that rock will come alive. In the same way, once we choose to commit ourselves to spiritual practice, even the mountains and valleys will reverberate to the sound of our purpose.

ABLUTION

Washing at dawn:
Rinse away dreams.
Protect the gods within,
And clarify the inner spirit.

Purification starts all practice. First comes cleansing of the body -- not to deny the body, but so that it is refined. Once cleansed, it can help us sense the divine.Rinsing away dreams is a way of saying that we must not only dispel the illusions and anxieties of our sleeping moments but those of our waking ones as well. All life is a dream, not because it isn't there, but because we all project different meanings upon it. We must cleanse away this habit.
While cleansing, we naturally look within. It is believed that there are 36,000 gods and goddesses in the body. If we continually eat bad foods, intoxicate ourselves, allow filth to accumulate anywhere outside or inside of ourselves, then these gods abandon us in disgust.
Yet our concerns must ultimately go beyond these deities in the temples of our bodies to the universal One. After we clear away the obscuring layers of dirt, bodily problems, and delusions, we must be prepared even to clear away the gods themselves so that we can reach
the inner One.

DEVOTION

Make the crooked straight,
Make the straight to flow.
Gather water, fire, and light.
Bring the world to a single point.

If we have devotion -- total faith and commitment to our spiritual path -- our determination will naturally build momentum. Fewer and fewer obstructions will come before us. Our path becomes like a crooked one made straight. No matter what tries to keep us from our purpose, we will not be deterred.Proper devotion lies not simply in a headlong course. It also requires fortitude. Our bodies, our hearts, and our spirits must be totally concentrated upon what we want. Only by uniting all our inner elements can we have full devotion.
If we see our path clearly and our personalities are completely unified, then there is no distinction between the outer world and the inner one. Nothing is faraway anymore, nothing is not open to us. That is why it is said that the world is like a single point : So strong is devotion that there is nothing that is not a part of it.

Hilarious yet True.

Heineken Signs Senator Heineken

ONCE again, the life of another prominent figure from Bayelsa State is proving the fact that a man’s name opens or closes doors for him. Nigerians are aware of how the name ‘Goodluck’ catapulted Nigeria’s president from the creeks to Aso Rock. Now, it’s the turn of Senator Heineken Lokpobiri. The Senator, who sponsored a bill in the Senate last week, seeking to effectively hinder the ability of unions to embark on strike actions, was recently visited by unusual favour, as Heineken beer signed him up as a ‘Beer Ambassador.’ The spokesman of the beer revealed in a statement that, “It was a really easy decision to sign up Sen. Heineken. It wasn’t just because he’s our namesake. He’s an asset of inestimable value, because it’s only a man high on beer who can sponsor such a bill.”

Innovation Boom In MDAs

Contrary to the views of some critics, the recent music talent hunt show organised by the State Security Service (SSS) wasn’t a misplaced priority, but is part of an innovative strategy by Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs) of government to diversify the nation’s economy. Information Minister, Labaran Maku, told newsmen that MDAs have finalised plans to hearken to the transformation message of the president and diversify operations. Hence, he said, the CBN would diversify into a philanthropic/donor agency, the Security and Exchange Commission (SEC) into a soft sell/gossip magazine, the police force into a fashion house with specialty in camouflages, and the NNPC into a lottery agency.

Nigerians Miss Obasanjo

Barely a week after ex-president Olusegun Obasanjo celebrated his 75th birthday, many Nigerians thronged his Ota residence to apologise for rejecting his third term offer. First to speak were comedians who lamented that since Obasanjo left Aso Rock, business has nosedived as there’s nobody so harsh to the eyes that they can “yab at will and get paid doing it.” Makers of Baba Blue, Vicks, lamented that they missed his croaked voice, which used to remind them of the enormity of the task and spur them to work harder to ensure that no other person lives with that condition. Also present were terrorists and militants who said they missed someone who would at least give them a good fight. The EFCC on its part, confessed that they wished he could return if only to make them a little relevant again, even if it’s only to fight his many enemies. The only notable absentees were members of the Association of Professional Praise Singers who said they didn’t miss Obasanjo because even though they had it good with him, business was now booming more than ever before. They said they couldn’t join the protest because they were busy at the new Goodluck Jonathan district praising FCT minister Bala Mohammed for praising President Goodluck.

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

Today we consider three truisms. Truism 1: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Ask Herman Hembe, the House Committee chairman on Capital Markets, and he’ll tell you so. The man somehow managed to bring out the sting in Arunma Oteh, the delectable and usually delicate head of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) in a two-day mudslinging contest they called a committee hearing.  He’d probably forgotten Truism 2: He who lives in a glasshouse does not throw stones. Here’s what A Pinch... thinks about the whole episode so far. Oteh’s queries as regards Hembe’s credibility and impartiality are legitimate. But so are Hembe’s queries as regards Oteh’s profligacy and irresponsibility. Both of them are playing a high stakes game of Russian roulette. Unfortunately, it’s clear from their body language that their only aim is to play to the gallery and wage a propaganda battle. A Pinch has no time for such nonsense. That’s why Truism 3 is the most important of all: Arunma Oteh and Herman Hembe are clowns. They jointly pick the CeeCee this week.

The heart of a home is a mother
Whose love is warm and true,
And home has always been "sweet home"
With a wonderful mother like you!

*

Just one little wish for you, Mom,
But it's loving and happy and true-
It's a wish that the nicest and best things
Will always keep coming to you!

*

Sending this, Mom, especially to say
Wishing you a happy
And wonderful day...
And to tell you this day will always be one
For remembering the many
Sweet things you have done!

*

Here's wishing you a Mother's Day
That's filled with every pleasure,
And a future that's as happy
As the memories you treasure!

Ote's Confession

More revelations have been coming on the reasons why Nigeria Capital market has been paralyzed.

Already, the House of Representatives and Director-General of the Securities and Exchange Commission Ms. Arunma Oteh are in loggerhead over fraud rocking the stock Exchange.

Oteh, who the lawmakers on Wednesday accused of large-scale fraud, fired back yesterday, saying Chairman on Capital Market Committee, Herman Hember made two different demands for money, totalling N44 million.

She said her refusal to give the funds was behind the hostility of the committee to her during the hearing.

Hembe first asked for N39 million to fund the public hearing on the activities of the capital market, she said.

Then, a week before the commencement of the sittings, he asked her for N5 million, which she also turned down, Oteh added, drawing the ire of committee members who made further allegations of corruption against the SEC director-general.

On Wednesday, at the first session of the hearing, Hembe told Oteh that documents available to the committee showed she used N850,000 for feeding on a day alone, and also spent N30 million on hotel bills.

Yesterday, Oteh reeled out her own accusations against the lawmakers, labelling the hearing as a kangaroo court that was worse than the atrocities committed by the late Ugandan leader Idi Amin.

She said last year, Hembe collected from SEC monies and a business class ticket to travel to the Dominican Republic for a conference but did not travel and never returned the money.

“Yesterday you had implied that as a regulator, that by having people on secondment from the private sector, it could undermine the capacity of the regulatory functions of the commission,” she said.

“In asking the SEC to contribute N39 million for this public hearing, you think that you are undermining your capacity to carry out your duties? You think that if Hon. Ihedioha, the deputy speaker of this House, being the nephew to Professor Ndi Okereke-Onyuike and having his wife work in Abuja office of the Nigerian Stock Exchange, do you think it will be compromising his capacity to carry out his duties?

“I will like to say to the Nigerian people to know that I do not think that I am given a fair hearing. I do not think that in 2012, after the efforts that the forefathers of this country have made with respect to ensuring that we have a democracy,that we will have kangaroo courts that are worse than what Idi Amin had in Uganda, and I do not think so.

“And I do not think that it augurs well for the Nigerian capital market because one of the reasons people are investing in this economy is because they believe that there is a democracy and they can come to the National Assembly and have a fair hearing.

“I do not think you have given me a fair hearing, I do not think, Hon. Chairman Hembe that it is appropriate for you to have gathered information from the SEC and without even asking us to verify that information, to respond to that issue and that you already made the judgment.”

Emerging reports have it that Fabrice Muamba is in a stable condition in the London Chest Hospital, after collapsing on the pitch at White Hart Lane.

The FA Cup sixth round game between Tottenham Hotspurs and Bolton Wanderers was abandoned this evening, after Fabrice Muamba suddenly collapsed on the pitch after 41 minutes.

Paramedics from both sides attended to the Congo-born midfielder for about six minutes, while his name rang out at White Hart Lane, as all the players and Wanderers coach Owen Coyle looked on distressed. He was then carried off on a stretcher wearing an oxygen mask to a hospital.

Bolton released a statement saying: “Bolton Wanderers can confirm that Fabrice Muamba has been taken to hospital following his collapse at White Hart Lane this evening during the FA Cup quarter-final.”

Think on your feet.
Good impulses spring from a happy readiness of spirit. For such a spirit there are no tight spots, no troubling chance occurrences, only vivacity and brio. Some think much, and then do everything wrong, and others get everything right without any forethought at all. Some people have reserves of antiperistatis [opposition by which the quality opposed acquires strength]. Difficulties bring out the best in them. They are monsters who succeed spontaneously and err whenever they have thought about something. What doesn't occur to them immediately will never occur to them, and there is no use thinking about later. Quickness wins applause, for it reveals prodigious talent : subtlety in thought, prudence in deeds

 Act boldly but prudently.
Even hares tweak the beard of a dead lion. Like love, courage is no joking matter. If it yields once, it will have to yield again, and again. The same difficulty will have to be conquered later on, and it would have been better to get it over with. The mind is bolder than the body. So, with the sword : let it be sheathed in prudence, ready for the occasion. It is your defense. A weak spirit does more harm than a weak body. Many people with eminent qualities lacked this brio, appeared to be dead, and were buried in their lassitude. Provident nature resourcefully joined the sweetness of honey with the sting of the bee. You have both nerves and bones in your body : don't let your spirit be all softness.

 Associate with those you can learn from.Let friendly relations be a school of erudition, and conversation, refined teaching. Make your friends your teachers and blend the usefulness of learning with the pleasure of conversation. Enjoy the company of people of understanding. What you say will be rewarded with applause; what you hear, with learning. What draws us to others, ordinarily, is our own interest, and here that interest is ennobled. The prudent frequent the homes of courtly heroes : theaters of heroism, not palaces of vanity. Some are renowned for their learning and good judgment : oracles of all greatness through example and friendship. Those who accompany them form a courtly academy of gallant discretion and wisdom.

Chris Brown Accused of Phone Robbery By Sudden Snatching | celebregion.com

Chris Brown Accused of Phone Robbery By Sudden Snatching celebregion.com

The violent Islamic sect, Boko Haram, has denied reports that his spokesman Abu Qada, has been arrested by the State Security Service.

The denial came even as the confusion set off by initial reports of Qada’s arrest on Tuesday deepened.

Qaqa, known for granting interviews and issuing statements on behalf of the group, was reportedly arrested in Kaduna by the SSS, early on Wednesday.

However, speaking with journalists from an unknown location on Thursday, a man who claimed he was Qada said the militant arrested was one Abu Dardaa.

“The person that was arrested was Abu Dardaa and not Abu-Qaqa. I am Abul Qaqa, the spokesman for the Jama’atu Ahlis Sunnati Lidda’awati Wal Jihad. Abu Dardaa is the head of the Lagina (Dept) of public enlightenment and not the spokesman,” the man said.

The militant went on to say that Dardaa was asked by the sect to meet with government officials after the group had decided to respond to the government’s call for dialogue.

“The arrest of Abu Dardaa is an outright deception and betrayal by the Nigerian government and security agents. They proclaimed dialogue and are doing the opposite. His arrest has proved to us that they were waiting for us to avail ourselves so that they can arrest us.

“We purposely sent Abu Dardaa to Kaduna to discuss with some key government functionaries on the issue of dialogue. Indeed, he had started talking to them but unknown to him, they (had) directed some security agents to trail him and arrest him.

“This is exactly what happened. He volunteered to present himself for the dialogue but was betrayed. Everybody knows our capability and tactics of operation. It is evidently clear that none of our members could be caught on a platter of gold and without confrontation.”

He added that their plan was to hold further meetings with government after the exploratory talks.

He said, “We initially thought that the much talked about dialogue was true and we actually resolved that after the initial meeting with Dardaa, we would send five representatives to stand for us.

“Part of what we told him to discuss with the government representatives was the unconditional release of our members as pre-condition for any further discussion.”

Qada urged government to release all their members in detention, adding that it was the only panacea for peace.

“I want to reiterate that we want all our members to be released for peace to return and for dialogue to hold.”

Qada spoke on the heels of reports on Thursday that security agencies had not confirmed if the man arrested on Tuesday was the sect’s spokesperson.

Sources in the security service have been reluctant to confirm the identity of the suspect arrested, saying he was being interrogated to confirm his identity.

A source in one of the security services told Reuters that the suspect had been flown to Abuja for interrogation.

“He is under interrogation,” the source said on condition of anonymity, declining to provide further details.

However, the spokesperson for the SSS, Maryln Ogar, had told the AFP that she was not aware of the arrest.

“When you have an ongoing operation, a lot of people are brought in, and until you are able to put a face to a name nothing can be confirmed,” Ogar reportedly said.

TRENTON, - A New Jersey waitress cried in court Monday as she heard a prosecutor accuse her of "extreme sexual assault" on a 5-year-old girl she was baby-sitting and of streaming video of the abuse online.


Authorities say Jennifer Mahoney, 32, of Manalapan, laughed while she sexually assaulted the child, and again as she streamed the video to at least two other people. They say she confessed twice to different sets of investigators.

Mahoney has been charged with two counts of sexual exploitation of a child. At a federal court hearing in Trenton, she had requested to wear a global positioning device, stay away from the victim and post her parents' home as collateral for bail. The judge denied bail on the federal charges; Mahoney is being held on $500,000 bail on state charges stemming from the same assault.

"Law enforcement has recovered a video capture of extreme sexual assault," Assistant U.S. Attorney John Clabby said. "There is danger to the public, and the risk of flight."

During the hearing in U.S. District Court, Mahoney wiped away tears, buried her face in her hands and cried softly as her attorney, Herbert Ellis, rubbed her back. Later, she rocked quickly back and forth in her chair, not speaking except to reply, "Yes, your honor," when asked whether she understood her rights.

Ellis, her lawyer, said he needs to speak to Mahoney in detail before deciding how to proceed. He said he wants to see her videotaped confession to authorities to determine how it was given and under what circumstances.

Mahoney has been in custody since Dec. 14, the day after three pornographic videos showing assaults on the girl were found on the computer of a 32-year-old Texas man to whom she had streamed them, prosecutors said.

That man, Robert Ramos Jr. of Austin, was charged with possession of child pornography and sexual exploitation of minors. Prosecutors in Texas say he set up seven fake Facebook accounts to solicit teenage girls to send him nude photos and videos of themselves engaged in sexual acts.

When the FBI questioned her, she acknowledged performing a sex act on the child while she was baby-sitting her, court documents say.

She also told investigators she streamed live video of one of the sexual assaults to two men using a chat service and acknowledged filming another assault with her cellphone and sending video of it to two other people, court documents say. No other mention of a second recipient is included in court documents.

Later on the day of her arrest, she gave a separate videotaped confession to New Jersey authorities, Clabby said.

Two of the videos appeared to have been made in Mahoney's bedroom, the third in the bathtub of her home, the affidavit says.

The affidavit describes the sexual assaults in graphic terms. On one, the FBI agent notes, there is no audio. But, the agent notes, "it appears that the adult female is talking and laughing during the video, and it appears that the adult female is talking to another person over the Internet via a webcam."

Ramos remains in custody in Texas. Court documents include a transcript of a handwritten statement Ramos gave to the FBI in which he acknowledges soliciting underage girls to send him nude photos but insists he never had sexual contact with a minor.

"What I have done was stupid and not worth anything," he wrote. "I am very sorry and have made some terrible mistakes."

His lawyer did not immediately return a message seeking comment Monday.

Nigeria's president has forced the nation's federal police chief to retire after an attack by a radical Islamist sect killed at least 185 people in the country's north.

A statement from the presidency Wednesday said Inspector Gen. Hafiz Ringim had been placed on "terminal leave" pending his planned retirement in the coming months. The statement also said President Goodluck Jonathan also "approved the retirement" of all deputy inspector generals of police.